10 Ways to Support Teens When Anxiety or Depression Shows Up

Teens tend to socially rely on connections with friends. Whether that be passing by each other in school hallways, in class, by social media messaging, text messages, or the old fashion phone calls. However, the pandemic experience has left some people in a different way of living, experiencing social anxiety, and feeling stuck in how to break the anxiety patterns. This can lead to teens feeling: BORED, LONELY, ANXIOUS, DEPRESSED, SAD, and OVERWHELMED. 

Parents can feel a mix of emotions and stress when confronted with the parenting challenges of how to respond to their teens' emotional and mental health needs.

Parents can sometimes relate to the challenges that come with every developmental phase of raising children based on their own personal experiences. However, teenagers can be challenging at times to understand and then for you as a parent,how to feel confident in how to respond when challenges arise. This is normal and help is accessible to learn about options, and practical strategies to support your teen. It’s often on a trial basis of how to best respond. 

I often say to both parents and teens, "they are practising to be adults." This means that they require independence, space to try things out, however scaffolding by those they trust to support their judgement building, and decision making skills. When mental health challenges or even just strong emotional experiences occur, it provides another opportunity for parents to connect with their teens and provide scaffolding to support their teens experiencing stressful times. Here are some tips to translate how to help into actionable steps.

1. Parents can validate how their teens are feeling, and experiencing the situation in their own ways. That starts with actively listening, or imagining what your teen is feeling. Use a statement like this, "I can imagine you feel (fill in the blank, relevant to your teen), because these isolation times have you repeatedly doing the same things, and that gets boring, and because you miss your friends in the usual ways you get to hang out together, like playing sports, or going to the mall. Then listen to your teens' responses, and try to engage in a conversation. Need more tips like this? I'll post a link at the bottom of this post to a website I frequently recommend.

2. Try a new activity together. Yes, your teenager may not want to do said activity. Focus on how you can coach your teenager into the benefits, such as learning a new handy skill (ie. repairing something in the home), or playing a new board game, or going to your teens favourite place to eat or shop. Maybe your teen starts out by rejecting the idea, appears miserable, and then eventually will become interested. If not, then you can at least remind yourself you tried, and remember not everyone likes the same activities. That is totally ok. Don’t give up. 

3. Talk to your teen in a collaborative way about what chores they can do and are willing to do to help out, and contribute. Contributing is actually a beneficial skill to improving our mood when we are depressed. If you allow your teen to choose what they want to help out with, it can help them to feel in control. When they complete simple tasks and help out, you can coach your teen on how it will help you build more trust with them, and furthermore, it can help them be more independent - preparing for say University years, or living on their own. Teens benefit from feeling like they can do something right, and to take action towards repairing a conflict situation with a parent in this way. 

4. Consider your own perspective of boredom. Teens who express feeling "bored," may just struggle to be present with their thoughts, feelings, and imagination. That can be because we live in a world that is always fast paced, and gives us the constant stimulation, gratification, and fastest way to solve a problem. Remember that boredom is actually considered sacred times, because it allows for us to engage our imagination and think differently when we engage it.

5. Coach your child with positive words of encouragement, and through role modelling yourself to create a new routine. That may mean just doing normal day to day things, and shifting your perspective about it. Or it may mean, creating a daily to-do list, and then talking about what you have accomplished to share motivation with each other. Both ways are just as efficient, and ultimately it comes down to what works best for you.

6. Try playing a video game or doing an activity that your teenager prefers to do. Although parents often don't want to do the things a teen does, it's a great way to participate in "their world", and can create a pathway to open communication together.
7. Encourage your teen to continue socially connecting with their friends. You can also ask questions and engage with your teen about what their friends are doing to cope with the situation, which may spark ideas on what you as a family can do differently. Remember we often learn new ideas from others.

8. Continue to have a family meal together each day. Especially now considering life has literally changed as we knew it a few weeks ago. Family meals allow for connection over food. Engage in a conversation about how each person's day was, ask everyone to share a funny joke, an innovative idea about a world's problem, or something else. Family meal time can become a routine, and is known to help be a major protective aspect in teenagers making healthy choices in their life.

9. Remember that anxiety is often coming out of a feeling of lack of control. Talking to your teen about their feelings, what is potentially contributing to it, can help them build their own self-awareness. Just remember not to lecture, we all remember the times we are lectured and lose interest. When we name something, or label it, that helps us feel more in control by understanding it's real, and it's valid to feel that way.

10. Balance out boundaries with having fun. Teens are still your children, and thrive with clear and consistent boundaries. Remember to balance out being the "serious parent and enforcing the expectations" with also having fun together! Laughter has always been a way to increase the endorphin release, and smiling helps too.

Wanting more information on how to support a child in your home with mental health challenges? Consider scheduling a consultation call today, to discuss how Emotion Focused Family Therapy sessions can help you as a caregiver or your family together!